An Open Letter to the One Who Died Too Young

To The Ones Who Died Too Young–

It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that the good ones always die too soon. It’s not fair that the brightest lights are snuffed out by the ice cold hand of death. It’s not fair that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. You can quote to me every cliche in the book, but it won’t make a difference. Because I didn’t ask to be left behind by you. And I know that you didn’t want to leave.

But you did.

And now you get to be whole and healthy with Jesus while I have to stay here empty and broken in your absence.

It’s selfish of me, really, to be mad about that. But “all’s fair in love and war” and losing you — someone that I love — has unleashed a war inside my heart that I can’t control. My heart is shattered into bits of memories with edges so sharp they bring tears to my eyes.

Retrospect is a hell of a weight to carry when someone like you dies too soon.

If I had known we’d run out of time so soon, I would never have argued. I would never have fought. I would have done anything to make you smile one more time. I would have been there for you more. I would have prayed for you more. I would have appreciated you more. And I wish I could. I wish I had one more chance. I wish we could go back.

I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon.

No amount of I’m Sorry’s, or Time Heals, or This Was God’s Plan’s  can soothe my heart. I mean, this world is evil enough as it is…why do the good one’s go first? Shouldn’t we need you more than the rest? These lyrics have been on repeat in my head since the day you left, every time I think of you.

“Sometimes the greater plan is kind of hard to understand, and right now it don’t make sense. I can’t make it all make sense…”

And, I guess, you’re helping me to realize that — that I’m not called to understand God’s plan and, even if I don’t like it, He is God and He is Sovereign. No amount of wishing or tears can bring you back. But, since you had to go so soon, I can pick up your torch and keep running the race for you.

And look at that — even in death, your light is shining brighter than most in this dark world.

It’s ironic, really. That someone like you could leave this earth and, some way, somehow, it still manages to keep spinning. That the part of the world that didn’t know you can go about its business like nothing happened.

But my world has stopped.

And, some days, I don’t feel like I can keep going without you.

But I have to.

Because that’s what you would have wanted.

And someone has to carry on your legacy after the sympathy posts and tweets have been buried in the neverending internet avalanche.

Because the good ones seem to always die young and, even though it’s not fair and we can’t understand why you can’t be with us anymore, I need you to know a few things:

You are loved.

You are missed.

And you should be here.

But since you can’t…

I’m going to live a life you would have been proud of.

Tell Jesus “hi” for me.

Love Always,

br

 

                                                

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